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Quote of the Week

"There's a difference between what's common and what's possible."

-Connirae Andreas (Therapist, NLP Master, Author, and one of my beloved teachers) 🌼

(I heard her say this one of the her classes, and I thought "OMG this is the tagline for subconscious change work! YES!!")

This Week's "Subconscious Success" Tip

The topic of grief has been coming up a lot in my awareness lately. When this type of thing happens, I feel called to write about it, because perhaps it's coming up for you or someone close to you too.

Also, because the Universe works in magical, synchronistic ways, I was recently invited by a dear friend to learn the Steve and Connirae Andreas' NLP based "Resolving Grief" protocol...which is what I want to share with you today.

This protocol is helpful for any type of grief, including from:

• A person passing away

• Relationship break up

• Losing a cherished object or other tangible thing

• Lost opportunities (a past or future that "could've been")

• Identity and big life change transition

• Possible future losses that haven't happened yet (pre-grieving)

Many people and cultures have specific ideas on what the experience of grief is and what it needs to look like. You may have also heard about the popular "5 stages of grief". There's a general outlook that it has to be painful and take a long time to resolve. And also, that tends to be a common experience for people. (*remember the quote from above!)

I remember when my mom passed in 2020 and various people were saying "I don't know how you're able to function right now - I would be debilitated", and I had this slight feeling of guilt because I was able to process it fairly well.

I had thoughts like "what does my grief process need to look like to be considered "normal"? Am I not grieving properly?". I felt a weird internal pressure to act more depressed than I actually felt and to stop working on my business.

The biggest things that helped me during that time were my spiritual beliefs around death and the after life. Right now, I still feel that she's here with me, supporting me, and now with even more unconditional love than ever before because that judgement just isn't there. It brings tears of gratitude and deep presence to my eyes to feel that love.

If I could go back in time with what I know now, I would tell myself that it's all normal, and that it doesn't have to look like "what's common". It's possible for it to be a beautiful process where you get to focus on what you've valued most and have a sense of closeness, connection, and peace instead of deep pain, separation, and sorrow.

Today, I invite you to consider this too.

How to apply this tip

The "Resolving Grief protocol" is outlined in a lot more detail in Steve Andreas' blog here and in their brief training here.

Teaching it in detail would go way beyond the scope of this newsletter, but I want to give you enough so you get the gist and also know that it exists, because it could really help if this something you or someone you know is experiencing.

In sum, the process works by bringing to mind who or what you're grieving and then also someone or something that feels "present" and resourceful in your life. You'll then compare the sensory qualities of those two mental images (like the details of what you see and hear when you close your eyes).

After checking in with yourself to make sure it's ok to do so, you can then transform the image of the person/thing you're grieving to have the same sensory qualities of the image of the person/thing that's present and resourceful. This alone can greatly transform your experience because it generally helps you re-establish a perception of a closer connection to the lost person/thing.

Then, in the last phase of the protocol, you'll be able to connect much deeper with what qualities you most valued about the lost person/thing that you're grieving, and also be able to see how similar qualities could play out in the future, so that your outlook on what's to come is also more resourceful.

And that's the gist of the whole process!

By the way, this is a very simplified, general summary and there could be multiple other things to take into consideration here depending on the situation. It may be best to start by working with someone skilled in this method first. After that, it's possible to take yourself through this process.

Why it works (short version):

When the Andreases were doing research with people who were grieving, they noticed some major differences between people who were having a hard time with sadness and grief and people who were more resourceful.

They found that people who had a harder time with grief:

1. Tended to focus on the most unpleasant experiences that happened before the loss. and

2. Experienced the mental image of the lost person/thing to be distant, blurry, absent, unreal, or separate in some way.

The result is ultimately that you don't feel very connected in proximity to the person/thing that you lost and the prominent feeling you DO have is unpleasant because you're not in touch with the most valued memories or qualities of that relationship at the forefront.

This protocol helps you re-establish that! You get to carry the person/thing even closer in your heart and be filled with resourceful fullness when you think of them.

Ready to try it?

If grief is a topic of interest for you or someone you know, check out the resources I mentioned in the "how to" section above and/or schedule a session with a skilled practitioner. Feel free to forward this e-mail to someone who might find it helpful.

That's it! Have questions about this week's tip? Want to share something with me? Connect with me!

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Cheers to your success!

-Alina Nikishina

Transformational Coach & Mentor

P.S. While I'm learning to work with this protocol, I'm offering a few complimentary sessions (depending on the circumstances of the situation). I did this last week with someone grieving a breakup, and they reported feeling a lot more at peace and resourceful about it.

If this is of interest to you or someone you know, click here to connect with me and let me know!