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Quote of the Week

“Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different.”

-Indra Nooyi (Former CEO of Pepsi) 🌼

A Little "Pre-Reading" Before This Week's Tip

Ever been curious to learn more about how your mind and brain work?

Well, there are a lot of different popular perspectives from traditional clinical psychology and neuroscience, but have you heard about Neuro Linguistic Programming ("NLP")?

Most people I ask this question to shake their head "no"...so, I thought I'd write about it since a lot of the transformational work I do with clients is based the principles or "pre-suppositions" of NLP.

Created in the 1970s by a computer science & psychology nerd + a linguistics & behavior specialist, NLP laid out a somewhat simple structure of human behavior.

In the book "NLP: The New Technology of Achievement" by Steve Andreas and Charles Faulkner, they noted that if they could summarize all the NLP Presuppositions into one phrase, it would be that "humans work perfectly."

To me, this basically means that our behaviors can be mapped out into a structure/system and are mostly predictable.

As a systems and processes nerd, this is pretty damn exciting as it creates a practical way for us to create inner change and expand our ideas of "what's possible" for us and others.

So....

✨ What if we didn't have to be stuck in suffering or struggle?

✨ What if we can do and learn things we previously thought were not possible for us?

✨ What if we don't have to rely solely on force and willpower to change or create new habits...without having to "try hard"?

✨ What if could expand our ideas about what it actually takes to change our minds, emotions, and behaviors (vs. subscribing to the societal narrative that it has to take a long time, isn't possible, requires struggle, etc.)?

If any of these questions interest you...you might really enjoy these series of newsletters where I share more about NLP principles!

If you haven't yet, check out Issues 61, 62, 63, 64, and 65 where I talked about these pre-suppositions: "the map is not the territory", "every experience has a structure", "if one person can do something, anyone can learn to do it", "the mind and body are parts of the same system", "people already have all the resources they need", "You cannot NOT communicate", and "the meaning of your communication is the response you get."

And actually...you might really enjoy delving into this inner work for yourself if you haven't yet.

Without further ado, let's dive into today's "NLP Pre-Supposition".

This Week's "Subconscious Success" Tip

Neuro Linguistic Programming Pre-Supposition #8 & #9:

Under every behavior is a positive intention.

-and-

People are always making the best choice(s) available to them.

I used to wonder why people do what they do and make the choices they make. After studying more about the subconscious mind, the reasons have become much more clear.

We do things to fulfill needs. At the core of it all - our system wants something positive for us...like survival, safety, love, belonging, and wellness. Sometimes we go through a period in our life where having certain behaviors are extremely important for our safety and wellbeing. As children, we've learned a lot of subconscious habits and beliefs that have once kept us safe and well in some way.

And now, we may still be trying to fulfill those needs through those same behaviors, even though they're no longer serving us.

For example, if you learned that the only way you could be heard and loved as a child was to throw a fit, then you may find yourself getting angry and upset with people today. Or if you experienced a lot of criticism from your caretakers because they needed you to be or act a certain way to be accepted, then you might experience self-criticism today.

So, if we can discover the positive intention of our behaviors, then we can show our subconscious mind that it can obtain that positive benefit through a different, more resourceful process than the one it's currently trying to use.

After all, most of the choices that we make are initiated by our subconscious. The choices that we make are based on past experiences, our perceptions of reality, and our programming...which is why we're always making the best choices that are available to us.

I had a major "ah-ha" moment earlier this year: even though we sometimes know we can make a more aligned choice, we don't make always make it...because it's not always subconsciously available to us in the moment that we make the decision.

For example, let's say I have a subconscious program that causes me to get extremely nervous every time I speak in public.

I know I could consciously choose to not be nervous, but it's almost like I can't help it. The nervousness happens automatically. My system is making the best choice available in that moment.

If I do some subconscious change work with that nervousness, I can transform it so that my system can much more easily choose a different reaction. The ability to take a deep breath and step into calm becomes available to me.

I can learn the positive intention of the nervousness and teach my system how to obtain that benefit in a different, resourceful way that helps me be successful in life.

Pretty cool way of looking at inner work, huh?

How to apply this tip

One of the BEST ways for finding the positive purpose of our behaviors and teaching our system to have more choices is the process I specialize in - Core Transformation.

It's a gentle process that allows us to work with all these various subconscious "parts" of ourselves that are generating these automatic behaviors. And we know it's not ALL of us doing it, because there's usually a part of us that wants those behaviors to stop or change....so it's not our whole system that wants to do these behaviors...only a part.

Here's how you can begin to use the method:

1. Think of a mild-medium intensity thought, feeling, or behavior that you'd like to change. Maybe something like self-criticism, stress, annoyance, or anger.

2. Close your eyes and imagine a recent situation where you experienced this. Notice your internal experience of this behavior you'd like to change.

3. Notice - where is this "part" of me that's generating this behavior? It could be inside or outside your body.

4. Speak to it like it's a little character or person...and thank it for being there because we know it has a positive purpose.

5. Ask the part - "what do you want?" And then relax and notice what response you get back.

6. When and if you get a response, thank the part for its response. If the response is already positive, you can end here and just notice how your experience with the situation may have shifted. If the response is not positive, go to step 7. If you didn't get a response, that's ok too. You can try a different behavior or just give it more time.

7. Now, in your imagination - invite this part to experience what it's like to "step in" to already HAVING what it said it wants.

For example, if it said something like "I want to be angry", invite it "step into" what it's like to already have being the experience of being angry.

8. Ask the part - "now that you HAVE this....what do you want THROUGH having this that's even deeper or more important?"

9. Go back to Step 6 and repeat steps 7 & 8 if necessary until the answer is positive.

Note: I guide my clients through a much fuller process of transformation and integration, so this is just a small portion of the process...however - even just this little bit of communication with our inner parts can make a BIG shift in our experience. This can be done in 5-10 minutes and help you be more resourceful.

Why this works (the short version):

Firstly, the brain is biologically wired to keep us alive and safe. That means our subconscious mind is always asking the question "am I safe?".

Also, as children we learned certain behaviors to help us cope and survive. When we're born, we are whole. There is nothing we have to do or get in order to be loved and whole except just BE.

As we grow up and our brain changes, we learn something different. We learn that we have to do and get certain things in order to get love, be heard, and feel safe. This is when most of our different subconscious "parts" of us form...all of them wanting something positive for us.

For example, when I was young, I learned that in order to be loved, I needed to be a really good student. I'm sure my parents would have loved me even if I wasn't one, but to my child brain, I didn't have the capacity to reason.

These "parts" of us continue to be with us into our adult-hood. In my case, I've always had an automatic yearning to be a top student...perhaps because that part of me is still trying to get love. If I took that part through the Core Transformation process, I could learn what it wants for me that's positive and also integrate it so that I could have a much greater variety of choices when it comes to my experience with being a student.

I can teach my subconscious that love is available to me regardless of what kind of student I am. That's pretty cool in my book.

Ready to try it?

This week, notice a thought, feeling or behavior that you'd like to change and try working with it as a "part". Take it through the first few steps of the Core Transformation process and notice how that transforms your experience, even if it's mild.

That's it! Have questions about this week's tip? Want to share something with me? Connect with me!

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Cheers to your success!

-Alina Nikishina

Transformational Coach & Mentor

P.S. Want to go deeper? I'd be happy to take you through the full Core Transformation process and help you transform an inner struggle into a valuable inner resource.

Get started by booking a commitment free Discovery Call with me, and let's chat about what you'd like to change!